"every single time... i would wish that you were here with me to see it too." Nov 12 2015


"got a case of morning breathlessness" Jan 8 2017


"my greatest weakness is that i am always in nostalgia"

Sep 28 2015


lucas 1

"treading in shadow but you still emerge as the most perfect thing I ever did see" Nov 22 2

"treading in shadow but you still emerge as the most perfect thing I ever did see" Nov 22 2



"trust that forever I'd ride"

Oct 22 2016













"hung up on 2 weeks ago" Oct 23 2016


lucas 2

"mental scars won't go away. they hang there. please stop hanging" Nov 02 2016


"nights feel better with thoughts of you"

Nov 06 2016


"a warm blue Paris" Nov 13 2016


"created a hundred thousand reasons to be sad and im still running out of excuses. maybe it's a good sign? maybe i'm finally coming to terms with reality? maybe all of my fabrications are finally fraying under my nose? maybe you were tearing them apart" 

Nov 15 2016


"please let me feel okay." Dec 02 2016

"I don't need to get over Paris, I don't need to get over you" 

Dec 19 2016


lucas 3


"pleasure in inflicting strange dreams. dreams so real... recurring disturbing strange lonely dreams of deserts and a jungle in my backyard and falling through an elevator of chains... of glass balcony out to nowhere, of lost streets, of looping highways .. i'm that girl walking around in Kumo no mukô, yakusoku no basho.. i never finished it.. there wasn't a way out" 

May 5th 2017


"been disillusioned since i was 10... been careful, not careful enough. been understanding, not understanding enough. been forgiving. not forgiving enough. in a world where everything is nothing. and nothingness is everything. love is nothing, lies are everything" May 5th 2017


"the more i move, the less i am able to do it. places fall apart too easily... one day it's all around me, home. the next, it's as if i'm being pushed out of my own memory. i can't think. i can't think of you, of sevres lecourbe, of champs des mars, even of the ampitheater... i can't think of my own room in South Hadley, i can't think of home... nowhere feels safe. nowhere feels untouched by pain" May 7th 2017


"recalling peace... recalling nothing... only recalling numbness and scratched memories. i wish i can close my eyes and see myself smiling. but i just see myself right now, in different places, but just the same as right now" May 6th 2017


"500 days of trying to kill me" May 8th 2017


"managed to scare me away from my/our fondest memories. places disappear, blank recollection. where was i?" May 7th 2017


"day after day i just keep seeing myself scrunched up in a corner of that dorm room in White Cottage, on my bed in between the windows. My unwashed sheets wrinkled underneath, dabbled with stains and wet with tears. The very first place where I had truly felt isolation. I would hear him coming up from the path, whistling. I would feel a pang of pain in my chest, a pain so meaningless I'd rather pretend to not have lived through that part of my life at all."

May 22nd 2017